We're Moving!

For all you wonderful people who have bookmarked or follow my Just A Minute blog postings, we're changing locations.

With the launch of parentehrgroup.com, the link you'll need to see new JAM posts is now http://parentehrgroup.com/justaminute/.

Thanks for being a treasured companion on the journey - looking forward to you joining me at the new site!

Marilyn 

What you'll see at the new website:

 

Tools of the Trade: Back on the (Key)Boards

For a variety of reasons (and no judgments about them), getting the website for Parente HRG has taken much longer than I anticipated.

It became clear about a month ago that my hopes to have the site completed by an outside vendor had pretty much ground to a halt.  Again, no judgments here.  That's not what this post is about.

So, where am I taking you on this journey?  It's about how I reclaimed skills I had let slip away over the past 5+ years.

Over time, we add and remove certain tools from our skills toolbelts as a matter of practicality.  There is just so much time in the day, just so much opportunity to continue our expertise in certain areas.  In my case, I've continued to grow my knowledge and add certifications, the most recent being Intentional Leadership Coaching and certification to administer and interpret the EQ-i 2.0.  What did I remove from my toolbelt?  I stopped staying current on what some call "that computer stuff."

Armed with a couple of new books from my local Barnes and Noble (picture me singing, "Where have all the bookstores gone?"), I jumped back into the web design pool yesterday.  My skills?  They're more in line with how retired Yankees must feel taking the field for the Old Timers' Day game each summer.  Still, it feels great to be a techie once more ... the keyboard jockey rides again. :-)

The website is nothing fancy, but it does what it needs to.  Finally, at long last, parentehrgroup.com is up and running!

Tools of the Trade: First of a Continuing Theme

The past two days have left me with "there's a lesson in here somewhere" bouncing around in my head.  I think I've narrowed it down to something to do with tools we use - and take for granted - in doing whatever we do in a business setting.

It's no surprise to followers of Just A Minute that photography is one of those "things" I do.  Several years ago, I made the jump from eyeglasses to multi-focal contact lenses to aid with extended periods of outdoor nature photography.  The complicating wrinkle is that I can only wear the contacts for taking pictures - my prescription is that specific.  I'll spare you the details if you're willing to take my word for it.

Rewind to Saturday night.  The Great Easter Vigil is a liturgical event like no other Catholic Mass.  Knowing I'd be taking pictures for close to four straight hours, I decided to pop in the contacts for the evening.

I really thought I had it all figured out.  I planned ahead.  I was prepared.  I had my mirror, contacts case, eye drops, cleaning solution, and my eyeglasses to change into for the drive home.  I've done this many times, and had no reason to think things would be different.

Wrong.

I found out how wrong I was when someone asked me a simple question.

At this point you're probably wondering where I'm taking you with this little story.  The kink in the works was that the question had nothing to do with photography (the focus of my preparation).  It had everything to do with something I needed to read for my other role, providing liturgical support.

Did I mention I can only wear the contacts for photography?  Translation:  I can't read regular-sized print while wearing them without a pair of "cheater" glasses, which I never thought to bring with me.

This small change of wearing my contacts at St Matthias had consequences I had never anticipated.  

Eventually, the person asking the question understood what I was trying to communicate about my compromised sight.  She got a good chuckle out of having to read something out loud for me to give her the answer she needed.  Still, she had to endure some confusion with the situation until it became clear to her that I couldn't do something that would usually require little or no effort on my part. 

There's a lesson in here somewhere.

The Great Easter Vigil begins outdoors with the Blessing of the Fire.
Catholic Community of St Matthias, Somerset NJ

Interested in learning more about my consulting, coaching, and creative services?
Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com.

Three Things I've Marveled At This Week

First, when Spring happens in Jersey, it really happens.  Proof?  Longer days, more sunlight, and FLOWERS, even if I only have some because a squirrel stole bulbs from a neighbor and replanted them here.

Next, the number of parishioners who offer their time and talent to get stuff done at St Matthias in Somerset NJ never ceases to amaze me.  If you should visit a house of worship this week for regular services or one of the many holy days, take a look around to appreciate all who were part of putting the service together.

Finally, a kind word shared really made my day earlier this week.  It also served to remind me to do the same every chance I get.

Thanks for listening.  See you next week!   

Interested in my coaching, consulting, or creative services?  Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com.  

Working Under the Weather

This morning, some odd inversion weather patterns have many of us in Jersey (and most of the NYC boros) working under a cloud - part moisture, part smoke from a fire burning about 70 miles south of here at Wharton State Forest.  Add to that a combination of cold and allergy symptoms which kept me up WAY past my bedtime last night, and I'm moving slower than normal this Monday morning.

I'll spare you the selfie of the bags under my eyes.  After all, I'd prefer you continue reading <grin>

How many of you have gone to work when common sense regarding your illness would dictate staying home that day?  How many times have you run in fear from a co-worker exhibiting obvious signs of contagion, hoping to avoid catching whatever?

There's a term for this:  presenteeism.

David Chenoweth, writing for the Society for Human Resource Management, describes presenteeism as "being at work but not fully functioning due to illness or other health condition."   

The reasons for company policies and corporate cultures that encourage presenteeism are numerous, just as are why some of us choose to go to work when maybe we shouldn't.  I would enjoy hearing of your experiences - feel free to comment below, or reach me directly at parentehrg AT gmail.com if you prefer some anonymity.

As a management and HR consultant, I have the gift of flexible work hours most of the time in the comfort of my own home office.  On those days I'm scheduled to be onsite with a client when I'm under the weather, I often leave the decision for me to show up with my germs on their company doorstep up to them.  Luckily, today isn't one of those days.

In the meantime, I'll keep that box of tissues and mug of herbal tea close by.

Is it naptime yet?

 Interested in how my management and HR consulting services can help your organization?
Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com.

 

Three Things I'm Getting Used to This Week - Or Not

First, the changeover from Winter to Spring is finally happening here in Jersey, however tentatively.  That means POLLEN.  Tree pollen, to be precise.  There may not be many buds on the trees yet, but the pollen counts are already high.  While I reach across to grab a tissue to deal with an impending sneeze, I'll let you guess if this falls under "getting used to," or "or not."

Next, Instant Replay has hit Major League Baseball this season.  So far, I'm diggin' this rules change.  On the other hand, the catcher-blocking-home-plate rule still needs some clarification and refinement - stay tuned on that one.

Finally, the husband is finally home from his extended trip south.  It's always a bit of a transition with the two of us being under the same roof again.  So far, it's been OK.  Give it a couple of days, and this may change categories (just kidding - maybe!).

Thanks for listening.  See you Monday!

My March Madness: Wrapup - To Where My March Leads

To celebrate March 4th (March Fourth - get it?), I kicked off My March Madness series.  Throughout the month, it was my goal to explore how my time marching in the Saints Drum and Bugle Corps provided the foundation for many of the skills I came to find as essential in leadership. 

Jane Kise's Intentional Leadership served as a great touchstone for many of the experiences.  The specific skills I referenced throughout the month included networking, relationships, individuality, and personal development (Lens 1);  loyalty, accountability, visioning, and optimism (Lens 4);  as well as balance and discovery (Lens 12). 

Skills aside, there was something nagging at me throughout the month, some story I felt I was leaving out somehow.  As such things sometimes do, the missing link hit me smack upside the head last week with a Throwback Thursday image I posted to Facebook.

The "likes" and comments kept coming, and coming, and coming.  Many were from my Saints Siblings and Corps Cousins, remembering who that person in the picture was back in 1974.  Reading what they shared forced me to step back and think about what influences had the greatest impact on me at that time in my life.  Simply put?  It's when I learned Servant Leadership.

As Robert K. Greenleaf (2002) explains, "The servant-leader is servant first ....  It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first.  Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead."  The simple action of me wrapping up the rope used to space out stanchions on the competition floor brought it all back.

We were surrounded by servant leaders in the Saints.  Parents who drove buses, crafted equipment, hunted down opportunities to march and perform.  Instructors who worked for next to no money, and even had to wait for that.  Judges who would stop by a rehearsal to give us a critique before the season started.  
 

Just some of my Saints family ...

Even more than experiencing servant leaders, we were encouraged to serve one another.  It's how I ended up doing everything I did BESIDES march while in the Saints.

Did we have our share of "leaders first," as Greenleaf describes?  Sure.  Truth is, they didn't work out very well in our corps culture.


I'm fortunate that I'm able to "give back" as a servant leader these days as part of the Catholic Community of St Matthias, and am forever grateful for those lessons learned during my drum corps days. 

Thanks for following along with my March Madness!

Interested in how my consulting services can help you
improve focus on leadership skills?  Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com.  

Three Things I Chuckled About This Week

First, there's been LOTS of press and discussion over the new euphemism for separation and divorce coined by a couple of popular entertainers.  At the same time, to / too / two, there / their / they're, and dozens of other homonyms continue to be abused without little regard.  Don't even get me started on misused apostrophes.

Next, I wish that all those who complain about the crazy, cold Spring we've been having here in Jersey could have been with me Thursday.  I stood in my front yard for a bit, entertained by a lone robin tenaciously harvesting a reluctant worm for its morning meal in sub-freezing temps.  When done, it gave me a "what the heck are you grinning at, lady?" kind of look before it hopped off to another spot. 

Finally, in a way I would not have expected, I received inspiration for the wrapup My March Madness related to leadership skills I learned in drum corps.  While it will be posted on March 31st, here's the photo that triggered it all:

Thanks for listening.  See you Monday!

  

 

Three Things I Appreciated This Week

Just to be clear, there were LOTS more than three things I appreciated this week, but I'm trying to stick with my original format ...

First, having the means and ability to travel is a gift I will never take for granted.

Boyton Beach, Florida

Next, the opportunities I've had this week to photograph so many different things / people / events have been exhilarating.

Tufted Cormoran, Flamingo Gardens, Davie FL

Sabatino Verlezza, Loretta Fois - RVCC Faculty Dance Recital Tech / Dress Rehearsal, Branchburg NJ

Alan Chesnovitz - Al Chez and the Brothers of Funk, JP Stevens HS, Edison NJ

Finally, I think it's really neat that so many of the "kids" I marched with in the Saints Drum and Bugle Corps still get together after all these years - even though our corps disbanded over 35 years ago.

Just some of my Saints Sibs in attendance at the Al Chez and Brothers of Funk concert.
L-R:  Patty Antol, Mark Scotto, Karen Parente, Lisa Wagner, Jack Bodzas, Lorraine Ravino, Valerie Fair, Kathy Donnelly, Maureen Fastuca.

Thanks for listening.  See you Monday! 

My March Madness: Part 3 - Leadership, Drum Corps, Limits, and Opportunities

Jane A. G. Kise's 12th Leadership Lens, Balancing Limits with Opportunities, takes on so much meaning when I think back to my marching days.  One thing in particular, though, sticks in my head and won't leave.

As mentioned in earlier posts, we had a great sense of loyalty to one another, and to the vision of being champions.  Particularly in the Saints Color Guard, the more adept we became at handling our equipment, the more we experimented on our own.

During breaks in rehearsal, or even before or after, it was common for members of different sections to "play around" with their flags, rifles, or sabres to come up with "work" - the movement and handling of equipment to match the music and a particular part of marching drill.  Discovering different movements or equipment positions was fun and exciting for us.  Execution of those movements required quite a bit of practice to perfect the work to a level high enough to include in competition.

At first, the limits on what would eventually make it into the competitive drill were set by our instructors.  Having a better sense of what it would take to achieve championship status was the wisdom they brought to the process.  By our final winter season, though, we, the marching members, had achieved a strong enough sense of balance between the opportunities for creative movements, and the limits imposed by the judging system, for us to choreograph much of the equipment work.

Did we succeed?  You bet!

A moment in the drill when simplicity spoke more strongly than equipment work.

Saints Color Guard, in our earlier days.

Interested in how my consulting services can help you
improve focus on leadership skills?  Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com. 

Three Things I Recognized This Week

First, no matter how much I prepare myself, I always struggle with fasting and abstaining from meat on Ash Wednesday (yes, I realize there are more stringent religious fasts out there - I'm weak, I admit it).

Second, I'm so grateful to be surrounded - physically and virtually - by wonderful people who are generous of heart, of time, and of resources.

Finally, while I had a sense before I began my March Madness series of how much I learned in drum corps about leadership, I'm actually surprising myself that the stories keep pouring out of me the more I write about it.  In case you missed the first couple of posts:

• March 4:  My March Madness: Part 1 - (Almost) Everything I Ever Needed to Know about Leadership, I Learned in Drum Corps
• March 7:  My March Madness: Part 2 - More Stuff I Learned about Leadership from Drum Corps

Thanks for listening.  See you Monday!

My March Madness: Part 2 - More Stuff I Learned about Leadership from Drum Corps

The year was 1967 when the Saints Drum and Bugle Corps of Fords, New Jersey, held its first registration nights and rehearsals.  My sister Karen and I were among those 100+ kids who signed up as members right away.  One thing we all had in common?  None of us had ever marched before, and most of us had never even seen a corps in competition.  Yeah, I know - that's two things. 

As members, we really had no sense of the big picture when we started.  

Parades?  Yeah, we got that.  Field and floor competition?  No clue.  

While my memories of that first year are mostly pleasant, I can't imagine the challenges the instructors and Board of Directors faced.  How do you share the vision needed to get such an organization up and running?  How do you remain optimistic while doing so?  

I'm pretty confident that much of what happened back then was management by the seat of their pants.  Here we are, all these years later, and I discover that those wise parents and other adults were "balancing reality with vision," or the 4th Lens described by Jane A.G. Kise in Intentional Leadership.  

As the weeks and months progressed, we learned to be accountable to one another.  We understood the importance of every rehearsal, and how we couldn't march forward if there were holes in the ranks.  We purchased windbreakers with the corps' name and logo on the back, and proudly wore them to school (and every place else, truth be told!).  

We marched together in our first parade in April, some nine months after the first rehearsal.  We soon had the chance to see other color guards and corps in competition, filling out the vision of where we were heading.  

We stuck it out, and grew.  We learned how to march in drill patterns while playing drums and bugles, or twirling flags, rifles, and sabres.  It wasn't pretty in the beginning, but we held each other accountable to get better with every rehearsal and competition.

The loyalty, accountability, visioning, and optimism paid off.  Three Aprils after that first parade, our Saints Color Guard won its competitive season chapter championship.  Our guards and corps continued to rack up championships and awards after that - all made possible with that balance of vision and reality.

The first championship flag earned by the Saints Color Guard:
National Judges Junior Color Guard and Corps Association, Chapter 3 Champions, 1971

Interested in how my consulting services can help you
improve focus on leadership skills?  Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com. 

My March Madness: Part 1 - (Almost) Everything I Ever Needed to Know about Leadership, I Learned in Drum Corps

You just don't know what life experiences will come back to serve you in another context.  In my case, time spent decades ago while marching in, or providing other support for, activities related to drum and bugle corps still serve me well, time and time again.

For the uninitiated, the best way I can describe what drum corps meant when I marched is for you to think of a college band half-time show, done military-style.  We marched and performed year-round, independent of a school affiliation.  Our members were as young as 9 and as old as 21, after which you "age-out," or are no longer eligible to march in a junior drum corps.

So, what were some of the leadership skills I picked up during that time?

In her book Intentional Leadership, author Jane A. G. Kise describes 12 different lenses, or ways to categorize leadership priorities.  The 1st Lens, Outer and Inner Focus, sounds really complex in drum corps terms until it's broken down:

• Networking and Relationships (Outer Focus) - this describes our connectivity with others.  In the case of the drum corps I joined (as well as in most others), we were together constantly.  Rehearsals, parades, competitions, tours were all opportunities to develop the skills of working and playing together in the literal sense.
• Individuality and Personal Development (Inner Focus) - Besides the section, guard, or full corps rehearsals, we each spent individual time practicing skills needed for our chosen piece of equipment (flags, rifles, sabres, drums, bugles).  Just ask my dad about how many overhead light fixtures my sister Karen and I smashed while practicing with our guard equipment in our bedroom ...

Discord in the ranks, or lack of practice by some individuals, is easily spotted and measured in performance.   By nature of the activity, members have no choice but to develop these skills - and to keep them in balance - to remain competitive.  

For the rest of the month of March, my posts will explore the spectrum of Kise's leadership lenses. I promise, it will take you Just a Minute to read each one.  In the meantime, Happy March Fourth!

 Me, just before a competition while on tour during my age-out season

Interested in how my consulting services can help you focus on leadership skills?
Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com. 

Three Things I Realized This Week ...

First, January and February slipped by very quickly for me this year (translation:  yes, that means I still have Christmas decorations to store away).

Second, keeping a fairly constant wakeup time each day (around 6 am) serves me well, and has for a long time.

Finally, almost everything I ever needed to know about leadership, I learned in drum corps.  I’ll be sharing some of those unique lessons throughout the month of March.

Thanks for listening.  See you Monday!

Baseball and EQ: Summer of '61

For those of you who know me, it's probably not surprising that my blogging would stray onto the baseball field.  With Spring Training games underway, it seems as good a time as any.

Today's focus?  Looking at baseball through the lens of emotional intelligence in the face of concrete data.

Statistics are a method to quantify what happens during the 9 innings of play (more or less) each game.  The history of those statistics takes on special meaning, as it did during the Summer of '61 - the year of the M&M Boys.

Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris, both players for the New York Yankees that summer, were each having incredible offensive seasons.  As Mickey hit a home run, Roger matched or exceeded the total.  Great times, exciting times, except people started to take sides - and not in nice ways.  Newspapers (especially the NY Daily News) and local radio / television stations fanned the flames to encourage fans to support one player over the other.

Given my age at the time, I easily was swayed to love what Mickey was doing, and to despise Roger's attempt to break the season home run record.  My decision-making was all emotion-based:  How could someone who wasn't a "true" Yankee (Maris had played with the Kansas City Athletics before joining the Yankees the year before) become the heir apparent for a record set by another beloved Yankee (Babe Ruth)?

The lack of empathy (OK, I'm being polite - the hatred) from baseball fans for Roger Maris that season is well-documented.  The pressure caused him to suffer both physically and emotionally, right up to hitting his 61st, record-breaking home run as the season came to a close.

These days, I have a much better appreciation of what happened back then, and how easily I and so many others were swayed to be less than objective during the home run race.  It was all about failed reality testing, impulse control, and empathy among other components of emotional intelligence.

Roger, I'm sorry.

The stats?  Yeah, they're important, but they've gotten so complicated in this Information Age they're mostly beyond my waning math abilities.  Being able to still enjoy the efforts of each player on the field?  It's why I'll always be a fan of the game.

Roger Maris's Retired Uniform Number Plaque, Legends Field / Steinbrenner Stadium, Tampa FL

Interested in learning more about emotional intelligence and its usefulness?
Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com.

My, Oh My, She Sure Isn't Shy!

Not that long ago, some long-time friends and I were having a casual discussion about personality type.  At one point, one of them turned to me somewhat indignantly and said, “What makes you think I’m an introvert?  I’m not shy.  I’m -,” and continued to list out adjectives that she felt best described her.  

I asked her one question in reply, and truth be told, I already knew the answer:  “When you first start to process ‘stuff,’ do you do it in your head, or by talking it out?”  

“Of course I do it in my head first!”  

From there, we continued to discuss the differences between extraversion and introversion, about sources of energy, and why that was the reason I probably put my foot in my mouth many more times over the 40+ years we’ve known each other than she has.  

Her initial reactions were based on so many of the stereotypes associated with introversion.  While those with such a preference can be shy, so can those of us with a preference for extraversion.  “Shyness” isn’t a determinant.  

What complicates matters further is a bias – perceived or validated - against introversion in many US and Canadian corporate environments.  Those who provide quick answers, are spontaneous in sharing during brainstorming, and demonstrate high energy are frequently rewarded with choice assignments and promotions.  

I had someone confide in me a couple of years ago that he frequently “fakes” extraversion at work as a combat strategy in order to be accepted.  When I asked him how he felt at the end of the day, his simple answer?  “Exhausted.”  

Getting back to my friend - by the end of the conversation, she claimed introversion as her preference.  And she's absolutely right, she’s not shy!

Interested in how learning more about personality type can be useful to you and your organization?  Contact me at parentehrg AT gmail.com.